Decisions

Well a New Year is upon me. There will be some changes made!

No real change

I just don't know how I'm going to change my outlook on things. There is this girl at my job that I am totally infatuated with. Literally my heart jumped the first time I saw her. Luckily I know one of her friends...I asked her about any possibilities and I got the line that she has just gotten out of a long relationship and she doesn't want to date anyone.

Just to let anyone who is actually reading this know up front, I haven't been on a date in 3 or 4 years. It's just pathetic. It has to do with my lack of confidence, plus the fact that I'm overweight.
So, that just makes my job harder. Only once in my life have I had a girlfriend for more than 2 dates. That lasted about a year and I fucked that one up. So you can see why I get down on myself when it comes to women. Being 37 years old and hardly having any experience on the dating scene is pretty rotten. It's not like I'm a bad looking guy or anything.

Can't Shake It

I tell you, I am really starting to hate the Christmas season. There I refuse to say "holiday" season. Over 1 billion people celebrate Christmas and I can't say it?? Fuck you.

Ever since my dad passed away I really have no desire to do the Christmas thing. Along with the fact that I'm always single and it makes it really tough to have any attachment to the season. For the first time I will be stuck working on Christmas Eve until midnight. So I will leave work, go home to a empty house and most likely cry myself to sleep. The world just sucks right now.

If I happen to die or get killed before Christmas, the world will be better off without me.