Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
No real change
I just don't know how I'm going to change my outlook on things. There is this girl at my job that I am totally infatuated with. Literally my heart jumped the first time I saw her. Luckily I know one of her friends...I asked her about any possibilities and I got the line that she has just gotten out of a long relationship and she doesn't want to date anyone.
Just to let anyone who is actually reading this know up front, I haven't been on a date in 3 or 4 years. It's just pathetic. It has to do with my lack of confidence, plus the fact that I'm overweight.
So, that just makes my job harder. Only once in my life have I had a girlfriend for more than 2 dates. That lasted about a year and I fucked that one up. So you can see why I get down on myself when it comes to women. Being 37 years old and hardly having any experience on the dating scene is pretty rotten. It's not like I'm a bad looking guy or anything.
Just to let anyone who is actually reading this know up front, I haven't been on a date in 3 or 4 years. It's just pathetic. It has to do with my lack of confidence, plus the fact that I'm overweight.
So, that just makes my job harder. Only once in my life have I had a girlfriend for more than 2 dates. That lasted about a year and I fucked that one up. So you can see why I get down on myself when it comes to women. Being 37 years old and hardly having any experience on the dating scene is pretty rotten. It's not like I'm a bad looking guy or anything.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Can't Shake It
I tell you, I am really starting to hate the Christmas season. There I refuse to say "holiday" season. Over 1 billion people celebrate Christmas and I can't say it?? Fuck you.
Ever since my dad passed away I really have no desire to do the Christmas thing. Along with the fact that I'm always single and it makes it really tough to have any attachment to the season. For the first time I will be stuck working on Christmas Eve until midnight. So I will leave work, go home to a empty house and most likely cry myself to sleep. The world just sucks right now.
If I happen to die or get killed before Christmas, the world will be better off without me.
Ever since my dad passed away I really have no desire to do the Christmas thing. Along with the fact that I'm always single and it makes it really tough to have any attachment to the season. For the first time I will be stuck working on Christmas Eve until midnight. So I will leave work, go home to a empty house and most likely cry myself to sleep. The world just sucks right now.
If I happen to die or get killed before Christmas, the world will be better off without me.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
The New Year
Well I've finally come to the realization that I need to make some major changes in order to become the best person I can be. Since childhood I've struggled with my weight. Now I believe I'm motivated to finally slay that dragon. Earlier in the day I celebrated my 37th birthday and a bit of reality smacked me, I am getting old. It's time to stop the excuses and complaints. I have to finally get to the task of losing weight.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Things Don't Change
No matter how I try, nothing changes. All of the lofty goals I've set for myself over the years have turned to stone. By this point in my life I thought that I would have a decent career, a family and the typical picket fence. Now what I have is a room living with my mom, no real local friends, depression issues and a job that I really don't enjoy.
It's not like I don't have a education. In addition to my bachelor's degree, I went to tech school for computers and also completed a course at the Connecticut School of Broadcasting. That was always my first love, broadcasting. Ever since I was a child my love for music was my calling and I figured since I never really could get the hang of the guitar I would try being on the radio.
It's not like I don't have a education. In addition to my bachelor's degree, I went to tech school for computers and also completed a course at the Connecticut School of Broadcasting. That was always my first love, broadcasting. Ever since I was a child my love for music was my calling and I figured since I never really could get the hang of the guitar I would try being on the radio.
Friday, October 31, 2008
October 31st 2008
Did you ever just get to the point in your life when you wondered if everything you've done up to this point for your career was wrong? Let me tell you about myself....I'm 36 years old, living on Long Island. After being on my own for about 10 years, I moved back home after my Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Since he passed in 2002 I've been living back home with my mom helping her with the house and contributing to the bills like a good son should.
At one point I had serious dreams and goals, but those have seemed to be flushed down in a pit of depression and lack of confidence. Ever since I was a child I've had issues with confidence. Growing up I was (and still am) a overweight kid. Children being the mean motherfuckers that they are at that age, abused me to no end. On top of that, when I went home my brother did the same thing.
I never really got along with my brother that well for most of my life. He came down with diabetes at 8 years old and everything changed. There were constant fights and abuse. My parents did what they could to stop it but it continued even into adulthood. I can remember hours just sitting in my room listening to music and staying away from the conflict that always seemed to come up. Maybe he was jealous because all of my body parts worked. My friends growing up were Alice Cooper and Gene Simmons...not the kid next door.
I fell in love with music when I was 6 years old. Vividly I can remember riding around in my dad's 1969 Volvo with the AM radio on WNBC or WABC playing all the hits of the day. To this day I can hear "Baker Street" by Gerry Rafferty or "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" by Elton John and I feel like a 6 year old again riding in the car looking up at my dad while he drove around.
My dad had a collection of records that he put up in one of the closets that I used to always pull out and go through. I still have Miles Davis "Sketches Of Spain" and "Porgy and Bess" along with The Rolling Stones "Aftermath" on vinyl from those days. Those records were my introduction to music. But then...............
On Showtime cable TV one night they ran "The Strange Case of Alice Cooper" which was a concert film from the 1978 "From The Inside" Tour. Instantly I was hooked. Here was a totally original guy. A show along with great songs and he even scared you a little. How perfect was that? Now you have to remember at that time Alice was public enemy number one, the guy your parents hated. This was before rock bands looked like guys who pumped your gas and were actually stars. I asked for Alice's Greatest Hits LP that Christmas and wore the record out.
Discovering Alice got me into other bands like Kiss, Cheap Trick, Ted Nugent, Black Sabbath and Rainbow. To this day I still listen to that music and it makes me feel like a kid again.
At one point I had serious dreams and goals, but those have seemed to be flushed down in a pit of depression and lack of confidence. Ever since I was a child I've had issues with confidence. Growing up I was (and still am) a overweight kid. Children being the mean motherfuckers that they are at that age, abused me to no end. On top of that, when I went home my brother did the same thing.
I never really got along with my brother that well for most of my life. He came down with diabetes at 8 years old and everything changed. There were constant fights and abuse. My parents did what they could to stop it but it continued even into adulthood. I can remember hours just sitting in my room listening to music and staying away from the conflict that always seemed to come up. Maybe he was jealous because all of my body parts worked. My friends growing up were Alice Cooper and Gene Simmons...not the kid next door.
I fell in love with music when I was 6 years old. Vividly I can remember riding around in my dad's 1969 Volvo with the AM radio on WNBC or WABC playing all the hits of the day. To this day I can hear "Baker Street" by Gerry Rafferty or "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" by Elton John and I feel like a 6 year old again riding in the car looking up at my dad while he drove around.
My dad had a collection of records that he put up in one of the closets that I used to always pull out and go through. I still have Miles Davis "Sketches Of Spain" and "Porgy and Bess" along with The Rolling Stones "Aftermath" on vinyl from those days. Those records were my introduction to music. But then...............
On Showtime cable TV one night they ran "The Strange Case of Alice Cooper" which was a concert film from the 1978 "From The Inside" Tour. Instantly I was hooked. Here was a totally original guy. A show along with great songs and he even scared you a little. How perfect was that? Now you have to remember at that time Alice was public enemy number one, the guy your parents hated. This was before rock bands looked like guys who pumped your gas and were actually stars. I asked for Alice's Greatest Hits LP that Christmas and wore the record out.
Discovering Alice got me into other bands like Kiss, Cheap Trick, Ted Nugent, Black Sabbath and Rainbow. To this day I still listen to that music and it makes me feel like a kid again.
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